It’s not easy to share your life story with strangers, let alone one that involves cellulite, binge eating and bullying. But Brittany Gibbons, blogger and author of the memoir Fat Girl Walking, has gotten pretty comfortable with the idea. The mom of three chatted with PEOPLE about growing up chubby, woman-on-woman fat-shaming and learning to love her body (most days).
What made you launch your blog Brittany Herself?
I started blogging when I was a stay-at-home mom with really young kids. It was honest and crude, sometimes messy. Everyone was being inundated with pretty things online, talking about how wonderful motherhood is, how great it is to be married and how fun fashion was. None of this was true for me at the time.
What was your life like growing up?
I was always a chubby kid. I was teased for my weight in elementary school. Once I hit high school the teasing continued, but it came with this strange experience of also having boys want to hang out with me – in secret. It was confusing, but I loved the attention. That was a large part of my high school experience until I found someone who wanted to be my boyfriend in public. Eventually I married him.
How has your relationship with food evolved over the years?
I’ve learned that you take the best care of something you love. When I hated my body, I took the worst care of it. I was bulimic. I shoved diet pills down my throat. I was always on extreme diets or yo-yo dieting. It was incredibly unhealthy. My nails were breaking off. My hair was falling out. But everyone told me how amazing I looked! That was a really hard thing to rectify in my head. I’m pretty now, but I feel like death. Finally I got to a place where I started accepting my body. I took all these little steps to get confident. I realized I kind of liked my body where it was. I was taking better care of my body than I ever had, even though I technically wasn’t doing anything to lose weight.
How do you feel about your body now?
Obviously I still have those days where I go to my closet and I’m like, nope, not having it. But I have less of those days, and more bounce-back-amazing days. One of the coolest things I’ve learned is how much free time I have now that I don’t pick myself apart. I’m busy planning a vacation rather than trying to figure out how to hide my body on the vacation. Before, I would spend a good 20 hours of the day hating my thighs.
How has motherhood changed your views on body positivity?
Motherhood saved my life. Once I had to hold myself accountable to my daughter, it was a huge wake-up call. I started by just pretending. I didn’t want her to hate herself as soon as I did. I wanted her to get as many good years in as possible. I’m shocked that it worked. That I faked it and actually made it.
Do you worry about her internalizing society’s standards?
Once I saw her sucking in her stomach while looking at herself in an outfit. It was so terrifying! She’s only 6, and she was just doing it because I was doing it. That was scary.
What do you think is the biggest challenge facing plus-size women today?
Other women. We can say it’s guys and society, but at the end of the day, what we do to each other is the worst. I was shocked to learn that so much of my negative comments online were from women. We need to start attacking body image as a gender issue. I’ve met so many women who are thin and have the exact same thoughts I have. The names they call each other may be different, but it’s the same.
What are some recent strides the plus-size movement has made?
Seeing fashion become more mainstream and accessible to plus-size women is exciting. We used to not have very many options. This is fun for us! Seeing women of all sizes represent us – not as a weird fetish, but as a mainstream, strong voice. You have Melissa McCarthy and Rebel Wilson and all these women who are kicking the cartoonism away from being plus-size. We don’t have a lot of plus-size visuals. People who look like us? Having sex? Feeling attractive, having families, being successful? We don’t usually get that sort of thing. So seeing all the women who are working and doing the work I do – going out there and saying, “Nope, we get all these things, too” – is really cool.
What are the most hurtful attacks people have thrown at you?
The attack I hate the most is about health. Health is such a personal, private issue, and it’s upsetting that in order for someone to believe I’m sexy and beautiful and strong, I have to show them that I’m healthy. Like I’m not entitled to those feelings otherwise! There are tons of women who look like me who are incredibly healthy – and even if they’re not healthy, that’s not a reason to take away somebody’s confidence.
What do you do when you find yourself struggling to love your body?
I just remember that this is just a day. I’m not losing entire years anymore because of my body. I’ll allow myself to have those days – I’m not a robot. But I’m also really good at surrounding myself with women who get it. I have that friend I can call and be like, “I’m eating everything today.” And she’ll be like, “Yes, I am too.” And we’ll bounce back together and have a day where we’re feeling pretty awesome, when we don’t need to eat our feelings that day.”
