'AITA for telling my sister maybe it’s a good thing she can’t have kids?' (2024)

Now obviously she shouldn't be bringing animals into our home and hiding things from us but I'm not gonna punish my kid for doing a good thing even tho she went the wrong way about it.

We had a long conversation about everything and have taken them to vet to be checked out, we decided to keep the mom (cheese) and kittens (pickles and ham) my wife always wanted a cat so everyone was happy. Well most of my family found it a cute story but my youngest sister (32) said:

"You know if it was me I'd ground her for the whole summer without a phone. I'd make her walk into the animal shelter to drop them off, then tell her that she can't have a pet till she moves ou., I'd cancel her birthday (July) to replace the cost of all the food she give to that thing call me petty but I'd even show her missing cat pictures and ask were she hid them."

Now this isn't the first or hundred time my sister said "if I had kids" and suggest a punishment that was over the top. I just looked at her and said "maybe it's best you DONT have kids." Sister teared up than excused herself and my brother-in-law started yelling that I knew how much they've struggled with infertility and how many rounds of IVF they've been through.

He called me a cruel AH to make that comment on a day I knew they struggled on. My siblings are on my side because they're sick of her attitude but my parents are extremely angry my mom won't even talk to me till I beg for my sister's forgiveness.

The internet had a lot of comments and questions to add.

Dittheadforever wrote:

You're NTA.

"Now this isn't the first or hundred time my sister said "if I had kids" and suggest a punishment that was over the top."

Has anyone else noticed that all the truly perfect parents in the world only have hypothetical children? They always seem to have a solution to any conflict, and know just what to do in any situation.

"My brother in law started yelling that I knew how much they've struggled with infertility."

That being the case, I won't deny that you hit below the belt. But it sounds like your sister is constantly begging for it with her unsolicited advice and extreme views.

OP responded:

For Easter my two year old niece ruined her dress with cake so my sister said “if I had kids and they ruined their clothes I spent good money on with cake they’d never eat it again even for their birthdays." That’s a tame example compare to other things she has said, but obviously that was non-issue my other sister (nieces mom) didn’t even care about.

AsuraRathalos wrote:

NTA your sister took a teachable moment, and transformed it into a POW camp. She thought "how can I do the most damage to this kid," and came to the conclusion "destroy the very essence of her summer with a vengeance."

sillybirb1995 wrote:

NTA and instead of focusing on what you said to your sister, the focus should be on her absolutely diabolical list of things she’d do to break your daughter’s spirit. What a kind, loving daughter you have and your other two girls are amazing for protecting her. It was a harmless secret and it was to save innocent animals.

Good siblings and a happy story. Your sister would destroy her child’s soul with multiple punishments like that for simply a good deed.

Revlutionary_Bag518 wrote:

NTA. Infertility doesn't give you an excuse to be ab-sive. Sometimes it genuinely is a blessing in disguise and the fact that she came up with this whole scenario off the bat in her head over ways to emotionally cripple someone who did a genuinely nice thing is frightening.

luvfolklore wrote:

NTA, she seems excited at the idea of being cruel to her children over making mistakes or misjudging situations. Your daughter went behind your back, but it was to do a kind thing, and it doesn’t seem like she’s done something like this before. So why cancel her birthday? Especially her 16th, for a lot of kids that’s a super important birthday. Your sister seems cruel. Your parents are enabling it.

actualchristmastree wrote:

NTA I was expecting a homeless teen so I’m happy it’s just kittens.

OP responded:

I first suspected an ED with the sneaking food and washing clothes at night but when she stood in-front of closet I thought i was gonna open the door to a person you don’t understand the relief I felt when i saw those kitties.

HousingItchy6581 wrote:

This is not your mom's business. Her giving you the silent treatment for a fight between adult siblings is so out of line, I'm too distracted to comment on the main story. That really sucks OP. My mum overstepped a huge, boundary with my sibling that caused some serious setbacks for my sibling.

It was bad enough that my sibling told our mum they needed to go no contact with her for a time, which is not something they'd ever done before.

While I was devastated for my sibling, and VERY upset and disappointed with our mother, it was not something that had anything to do with me.

I did not cut our mother off, and my sibling completely respected that. I told my mother I would not be discussing what had happened between her and my sibling, nor would I be acting as a go between. She... Mostly respected not talking about it, and completely respected my not being a go-between. That's how adults act.

mykindofsurprise wrote:

NTA. Hearing how your daughter rescued the cats was a wholesome surprise. I guess I was expecting something much worse like an eating disorder or who knows what. She shouldn’t have hid them but I was so relieved to hear about the family of cats.

It sounds like your sister only wants children so she can try her hand at punishing them. It’s almost like she thinks the proof of good parenting is not letting your kids get away with anything.

That’s wrong.

I can understand why you said what you did; although, it must’ve hurt considering their struggles with IVF. If she ever does get pregnant, I hope someone sets her straight about how to be a good parent.

OP responded:

I take blame of why she hid it. My wife and I couldn’t agree on what kind of pet to get she isn’t a dog person and I wasn’t a cat person so my daughter assumed I wouldn’t allow the cat in the house. In our conversation with Kelly my wife and I explained that even if we aren’t a fan of an animal we as still have an obligation to help it as best we can.

As adults it would be safer for us to handle scared/hurt animals in the future, so she needs to tell us. If you’re wondering about my views on our cats I’m a stereotypical dad who didn’t want the pet but ended loving them. So now I’m a cat person to my wife’s smug delight.